For many of my generation, the movie Casper lives in our memories as a fun, light-hearted romp about a little ghost boy who just wants a friend. Unfortunately for me, I could never sit through this movie as a kid and um…well into my twenties, because I truly, truly hated and was viscerally repulsed by the uncle ghosts. As such, I had no rose-coloured glasses through which to experience what is essentially the journey of a fledgling MRA whose only goal is to harass a teenage girl for her entire life.
I will enumerate the multitude of ways Casper is a total creep to Christina Ricci; but I do have other, miscellaneous issues with this film as well that I will include. You know, for fun!
Right now some of you might be saying, Vanessa, why can’t you just enjoy entertainment and not be annoying about it? Well guess what, buckos! This kind of thing is fun for me! I got nothing else going on right now, okay? And please, don’t let my criticisms make you think I didn’t enjoy this film. I really did. It was very entertaining! I just hate Casper.
But first, some miscellaneous complaints.
Bill Pullman Is a Terrible Father
Okay, so we’re supposed to like him, but why? He doesn’t give a single fuck about his daughter’s happiness. She’s been to nine schools in two years. This should be illegal, imo.
He promises Christina (I will probably always call the Kat character Christina, just fyi) that this is the last time they’ll move but you just know that’s not true. He’s said that before. Many times. I can tell.
Also, was he a fraud the whole time leading up to this? It’s unclear, based on how he reacts to meeting actual ghosts. He really doesn’t seem like a pro, imo.
That said, the career of ghost therapist is pretty appealing to me and if anyone has any leads on how to get into this field I am all ears.
Why Does Carrigan’s Ghost Have Huge Boobs/Wear Clothes
She doesn’t wear revealing outfits in life, and didn’t seem totally stacked, so why is she like, an F cup in a push-up bra in death? Honestly, it’s inspiring; if my ghost looks that good I’ll be happy. Also, they could have just animated her ghost to be a blob like all the other ghosts, but instead they had to make her so sexy that she had to wear clothes to cover that bod up. They also reaaaly emphasize the movement of her breasts to the point where it’s legitimately distracting.
What Ghosts Can and Cannot Do is Wildly Inconsistent and it Drives Me Nuts
Pick stuff up? No problem! Possess someone so that you can change their face, but not really do anything else? Why not! Hold and use weapons? Sure! But they get trapped in a vacuum cleaner for hours. They can go through walls, so how come they can’t get through a literal bag for so long? That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
The Uncles
Why the fuck do they all sleep in the same room? They have a giant mansion! I really truly hate them. I know we’re supposed to. But still. They’re not even entertaining! Just extremely annoying in that very specifically 90s way. Also, what’s the deal with ghosts eating food? What do they get out of it?
I Don’t Get to See Enough of the Sweet Sweet Mansion
This is probably an issue only for me, because I love weird old houses and this mansion is so freakin’ sweet. We really don’t get to see enough of it.
The Lab is absolutely several floors underground, but it has windows that let in light, and that Eric Idle flies out of, apparently to his death?
That’s it, that’s the whole complaint.
And now, the main event, everything wrong with Casper:
Luring Christina to his house
He sees a cute girl on tv and immediately manipulates several adults into uprooting her yet again, just so that she can come live with him; solely because he is lonely, horny, and selfish.
He can travel through electricity…but why?
Other than to creep, there’s no reason for this ability and it never comes up again.
“There’s a girl. On my bed. Yes!”
What. A. Creep.
He becomes her pillow
There’s no reason for it other than being a creep.
Rather than just throw a cup of water in her face to wake her up after she faints; Casper drinks a bunch of water and wrings his ephemeral body out over her face instead
It’s fucking weird and you can’t tell me that’s not sexual.
“Please don’t scream, I promise I won’t hurt you!”
Said as he wraps his creepy little ghost body around her mouth.
Casper always acts nervous and suspiciously neurotic around Christina’s Dad
He wouldn’t be so weird if he wasn’t totally creeping on her. Friendly ghost my ass.
He ties all of the shoelaces of the kids in her class together
Even the kids who haven’t been mean to her. For no reason other than to further alienate her from her anyone she might ever be able to talk to other than him.
“What’s this guy got that I don’t have?”
Casper mocks the real live human boy who is attempting to be friends with Christina, in a pathetic attempt to discourage her from having a living friend. Yes, it was all a set up, but Casper didn’t know that! He just saw a threat to his creepy possessiveness of Christina Ricci.
Casper carries Christina across a lake by her ankle, against her will, while she screams “No” repeatedly
Just so he can trap her on a lighthouse and talk about himself.
Lies about not remembering his past
I’m sorry, he says he remembers nothing, and then sees some toys and suddenly remembers every tiny detail about his past life? No frickin’ way. He was lying for sympathy, for sure. Classic creep tactic.
The whole “Can I keep you?” thing
I hate it, and I’m not even entirely sure what it really means, but I know it’s creepy af.
Even after getting to be human for a night and kissing Christina, Casper still cannot move on to the afterlife
And thus it becomes clear that his unfinished business is to creep on Christina for the rest of her days.
In conclusion, Casper is a Nice Guy in the worst way possible and I hope he dies–oh wait.
televanessa 